3 Crucial Ways To Get Through Grief
Grief can be completely debilitating to the person or persons who is left behind. When someone we know and love passes away we can feel as if our world is completely stopped. Pets are family and in some cases an only companion. So when they pass on it can be devastating.
You can never know how you will react when it happens. For some it is described as a “walking zombie” and to others it can be shock or anger. There is no true path of one’s pain. Yes, we have all heard of the stages of grief but some of that is changing in respect to each stage, the order and the time frame of stage of grief. Yes it’s a process but a different process and journey for each individual person affected.
Helpful Ways to Manage Grief
When searching the internet you will see many articles on stages of grief. Research over the years has been showing the traditional stages of grief – Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance can actually vary from person to person in regards to time spent in each stage and maybe going from one “stage of grief” backtracking to a previous “stage”. There are also PTSD symptoms that have been found to be associated with grief. The short of the long is that grief is extremely individualized. No one person’s journey is the same as someone else’s; however there are ways to manage grief that can be similar and helpful to all people who are finding themselves in this difficult time.
Some helpful ways to manage grief are:
- Embracing memories
- Memorializing a loved one
- Surrounding oneself with support
1. Embracing the memories and relationship
So why does grief have to focus on the negative? Why not focus on the life that we were blessed to have in our lives. The relationship with our pet that brought beautiful memories and an unconditional love you will always find dear to your heart should be full of positivity. Yes of course we will miss them; the void of their presence is the hardest part. But grief is never ending— it’s a process that is ever changing with time that passes. Yes, you will shed tears but you will also share stories of good times and a love shared. We are the lucky ones to have had such beauty in a relationship between a pet and a human. So shouldn’t someone be honored and memorialized with dignity and love in a way that mean something special to you and your family?
2. Memorializing A Loved One
What does that even mean…to memorialize someone or something? To memorialize is to preserve the memories you have for someone special in your life. For many people that could be a family member or friend but in today’s world many times it’s our best furry friend (BFF).
Have you thought about your own death and how you want people to remember you? Maybe you have even gone so far as sat down with an advisor to plan your will/trust and aftercare plan. So what about your Best Furry Friend – BFF? How would you want to remember them? In what way would best encompass your memories with them? Would it be a photo, painting or urn showcased in your home? Would a special piece of jewelry worn daily with their name or even cremains in a keepsake hung on your rearview mirror be something unique? Or a plaque or garden stone in memory of them in their favorite place in the yard is the perfect memorial? There is no right or wrong answer.
The memorial is extremely personal and something that takes time to decide. The best thing to do is to start thinking now, when you are clear headed and not struck with grief, of what would be the perfect memorialization for your beloved pet.
In my days of owning a pet crematory, I helped a client, Tammy, who lost her very special boy Toby. Like so many clients, Tammy was traumatized by the decision not only to put her sweet boy down; but with the void of Toby gone and how it affected not only her day to day but her older parent’s daily life as well. Tammy told me stories of Toby and sweet memories of how much he loved Christmas. Yes, the holiday…and how the day one summer, when he was riding in the car to the vet’s office. He had no idea that would be the last car ride because it was his final day of his physical body on this earth.
Tammy is an amazing lady and through this excruciating experience, she was having a hard time deciding on how she would want to memorialize Toby. Would it be a paw print or urn? What kind of urn? Would it have engraving or a photo…and what would the engraving say? What is the perfect thing to say when your BFF passes away? Is there anything to say…really? I encouraged her to take her time and not to rush. When it was time it would come to her and she would know exactly what and how she would honor her sweet boy’s life. About 3 months after Toby’s passing, I got a text…
“Hi Christine, I emailed you in regards to Toby’s urn. I am ready…”
And ready she was…the email contained a photo, urn choice, beautiful words she had written for an engraving and specific instructions on where and how she wanted it to look. So specific in fact, she sent it in a PowerPoint! I was overjoyed and my heart so happy that she had gotten to a point where it was clear to her exactly how she wanted to memorialize Toby and it couldn’t be more perfect…because she took the time and it was from a place of love and beautiful memories.
Ideas of Memorials:
- Urns with photo and engravings of a special saying, quote, passage or memory
- Garden Stone or name placard for your yard “In Memory of…”
- Scattering cremains in a place that is special to you and your beloved pet — beach, lake, park, hiking trail
- A painting or pet portrait – even painted with some cremains mixed in paint
- Jewelry with keepsake of cremains inside jewelry
- Jewelry with an engraving that is unique to your pet
- Memory Box filled with keepsakes — color, id tags, favorite toy (Shadow box hung on the wall is also popular)
- Glass jewelry, art or paperweight made with a sprinkle of cremains
- Holding a Pet Memorial Ceremony (great for children and closure)
- Writing a poem, story or posting a memorial online via social media or blog
- Making a photo memory book
- Creating a video slide show of photos
As you can see, there are just so many ways to memorialize your pet. The ideas above are just a start and some of the most common I have seen in my experience. The point is that it really is a very personal decision and one that takes time. And because it takes time, think about it now when your pet is here with you. It’s not about feeling guilty of thinking of something so sad or being morbid…it’s about being smart and thoughtful while you are in a good headspace to make decisions without a heavy heart.
3. Surround With Support
When going through a traumatic experience, people can react in different ways; just as grief affects us all differently. One common thread between all people going through grief is that they feel alone…that no one understands or that people withdraw because they don’t know what to say when dealing with someone grieving. But remember, you are not alone!
There are grief support groups and now even more so – grief support groups for pet owners. Finding a professional to speak with and/or a family grief counselor can be helpful. With today’s world of technology there are multiple online forums, therapy groups and even Facebook groups. Google “Grief” and “Grief Support Groups Near Me” to find local chapters in your area.
Finally, finding friends and family, who have been through the loss of a pet can be your best support. No one understands like someone who has walked in your shoes. Most times, it’s just having someone to listen and to share memories/stories with is the comfort and support you need.
Grief is no easy emotion and there is no timeline. Be gentle with yourself and get the support and help when you need. If you are dealing with a child going through grief of a pet, a child can be greatly affected by a death of a pet. Read article: Children and Pet Loss for additional help with this topic. Utilizing these three ways to manage grief – embracing positive memories, memorializing your loved one and surrounding yourself with support are good steps to work through the process.
In any case, if you are interested in ideas of memorialization for your pet and/or at the end of life stages with your beloved animal companion and live in the Reno/Tahoe area – Forever Companion can help!
